How to Validate Your Partner’s Feelings Without Losing Your Own Voice

When you’re in a relationship, it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows. You and your partner are two completely different people that have chosen to come together to form one, cohesive unit.

No matter how long you’ve been dating or how strong your relationship is, conflict and challenging times will happen. These aren’t signs of a relationship struggling or ending. In fact, it’s the opposite.

You and your partner’s ability to work through these issues and rise above them can show one another how dedicated you are to the relationship and how much you care about one another.

But what are you supposed to do when you just can’t come to an agreement on something? This is how to validate your partner’s feelings without losing your own voice.

Actively Listen

There’s a difference between listening and actively listening to your partner. When you listen, you may be distracted by other activities or sounds happening nearby. You may catch your eyes wandering to a nearby screen or thinking about the next thought that you’re going to say once they’re done speaking. When you actively listen, you’re giving your partner your full and undivided attention.

Any distractions are turned off, and you’re giving your partner eye contact and leaning in to show that you’re engaged. Active listening shows your partner that you actually care about what they’re saying and want to better understand them.

Repeat, Rephrase, and Clarify

When people communicate with one another, it’s common to start thinking about all the things you’re going to say when it’s your time to respond. While this is easier said than done, try not to do this.

Instead, when your partner is done speaking, you can take active listening a step further and show your partner even more validation by summarizing what they said to you. This shows your partner that you were fully listening and engaged when they were speaking with you. It can also help ensure that you both are on the same page and you heard your partner clearly.

Show Empathy

Even if you don’t agree with everything that your partner is saying to you, you can still show them empathy with how they’re feeling. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes to gain even more clarity about how and why they may be feeling this way. Draw from similar personal experiences where these feelings may have come up in the past. The goal of being empathetic isn’t to agree on anything and everything, it’s to show your partner that you understand and care about how they’re feeling.

Be Mindful of Your Body Language

Often, when people communicate, they’re extra cautious of thinking before they speak. But it’s equally important to be mindful of your body language. Your body language can help to show your partner how engaged and present you are. Make eye contact with your partner. Lean in towards the conversation instead of sinking back into your chair. Uncross your arms. Also, make sure that you’re being mindful of your facial expressions and the tone and volume of your voice.

Seek Additional Support

It’s important to remember that validating doesn’t have to mean that you agree with them. Validation is giving your partner the time and understanding for what they’re saying to you. Validation doesn’t mean jumping in to help fix everything for them. Sometimes all your partner really wants is for you to listen and be there for them.

Communication isn’t easy. Even if you and your partner are a perfect match, conflict and disagreements are bound to happen at some point or another. Working with an outside third party can help to provide a fresh perspective on your relationship. A therapist will help you and your partner work through any communication issues and find ways to improve moving forward. Contact us today for more information about individual and couples therapy.