Recognizing Boundary Issues: How to Know When to Stand Firm
Boundaries feel like a harsh ask to individuals who don’t have them. To people pleasers, it may feel like you’re drawing a line in the sand or dividing a room from what’s yours versus theirs.
But this isn’t what setting boundaries actually are. Boundaries are essential and necessary for all types of healthy relationships. They’re what help protect our overall mental health and wellness and make us feel safe, secure, and happy within our existing and new relationships.
Without boundaries, you may be reaching a breaking point. You may even be experiencing signs of burnout.
Recognizing boundary issues is equally as important as setting boundaries. Here’s how to know when to stand firm.
Overwhelmed
Someone with a lack of boundaries often takes on more work than they can handle. They have a hard time estimating how much they can actually accomplish within a day. They may be so concerned about their family, friends, and coworkers taking on too much that they try to become the superhero and take off more than they can chew. Taking on more tasks may feel like you’re the star of the team at first, but this can lead to you feeling burnt out, overworked, and underappreciated in the long run.
Difficulty Saying “No”
Feeling overwhelmed goes hand in hand with not being able to tell other people “no”. A lot of the time, people without boundaries will have a difficult time saying no to things that they actually don’t want to be doing. This can lead to them participating in activities they’re not interested in, spending their time helping others when they want to do something else, and taking on more work than their schedule allows. Boundaries are what help us find a balance in our lives. While you can’t play without a little work, you don’t want your entire life to be all work and no play either. It’s all about finding that work-life balance. If you’re constantly saying “yes” to the things that you actually don’t get any enjoyment out of, you won’t have time in your day to go after those things that do bring you joy.
Lack of Control
A lack of boundaries can also feel like you have a lack of control over your own decisions and choices in life. You may be letting other people make decisions for you when it comes to your time, finances, schedule, and routine. Boundaries help you control your own life. No one should be making decisions, especially big life choices for you. If you want to do something for yourself, you need to be able to make those decisions. Feeling powerless with your own life can leave you feeling unsatisfied and miserable.
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
If you’re resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms to try to feel better in the short term, you may be experiencing boundary issues. Drinking, binging on sweet treats, or gambling may help in the short term, but these types of activities can actually lead to worsening signs and symptoms in the long term. Everyone experiences stress from time to time, but with boundaries, you’re able to control some of that stress with the help of setting and enforcing boundaries.
Next Steps
It’s time to put yourself first again. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s actually necessary. If you need a little help when determining what your boundaries should be and or enforcing them with your loved ones, we’re here to help you. Even if you don’t feel like you have healthy relationships right now, building and maintaining healthy relationships is possible. Reach out today to learn more about how anxiety therapy can help you recognize and stand firm with your own boundaries.
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