The Do’s and Don’ts of Communicating with Your Partner When You’re Angry

Going through life can feel like you’re on a rollercoaster at times. You never know what to expect or what each day will bring. Even if you’ve worked the same job for the past few years and have gotten into a rhythm and routine in your role, you never know what phone call, project, presentation, or email will unexpectedly change your day.

People go through different emotions each and every day. There will be good and bad days filled with a wide variety of different emotions. Even days with your partner will include some days where you’re sad or mad no matter how close the two of you are.

The days that you’re feeling anger or sadness may require more work, but communicating with your partner when you’re angry doesn’t have to be as challenging as it seems. Here are the do’s and don’ts of how to make this happen.

Be Respectful

When you’re angry, it can be easy to let your emotions take the steering wheel and drive the conversation. Try not to do this. This can lead to you not thinking clearly and saying things that you don’t truly mean and that you’ll regret later on. Even if and when you’re angry, make sure that you’re always being respectful and kind to one another.

Use “I” Statements

No matter if you’re in a normal everyday conversation or if you’re in more of a heated debate, you should always be mindful of the words that you’re choosing to use and think before you’re speaking. “You” statements can make your partner feel like they have to go into defense mode. When you’re speaking with your partner and you’re angry, make sure you’re using “I” statements and speaking from your own point of view. This simple switch in words can help your partner see things from your perspective instead of feeling attacked.

Listen to Your Partner

Getting your point across is necessary when speaking to your partner, but you also need to be able to take a step back and listen to your partner. There are two people in the relationship which means that each of you needs a chance to talk and listen to one another. When listening to your partner, make sure that you’re fully present and engaged. You should turn off any and all distractions. This means turning off the television and putting your phone away. This also means actually listening to them and not just thinking about what you’re going to say next. Give your partner eye contact, lean in, and don’t interrupt them. When they’re done speaking, ask clarifying questions to make sure you’re on the same page.

Watch Your Body Language

While what you’re actually saying to your partner is important, it’s also extremely important to be mindful of your body language. Make sure you’re paying attention to things like your body language, tone of voice, volume, facial expressions, and posture.

Apologize and Forgive

Communicating with your angry may involve a few conversations so that you’re able to step away and take breaks. That being said, you and your partner should always find a way to resolve the issue and move forward instead of holding onto these thoughts and emotions. The past is in the past. You and your partner need to come to a mutual resolution, apologize, forgive, and forget. The next time you get into a disagreement, it’s important not to bring up any issues that have already been resolved in the past.

Next Steps

Anger is a powerful emotion. When you’re angry, it’s important to consider these dos and don’ts to communicate effectively with your partner. If you and your partner need additional support, help is available to you. Reach out to us today if you’re interested in individual counseling, couples counseling, or a combination of the two.